"This is a powerful journey and metamorphosis of the body, heart and spirit mapped for us in secret but bravely displayed for our healing.  Many will recognize their own questions and will be calmed in the hope, spiritual synchronicity and peace that she affirms." – Bethany Eaton

      Invisible Connections began as a series of journal entries and poems that emerged after the sudden death of my husband, Paul, in 2001.  For years afterwards, I never intended to share any of my writing. However, now that Invisible Connections has fully developed, I offer it to you as a book that will connect you directly to the heart of grief, loss and suffering–and then provide a safe space in which you may find ways to grow and emerge from this place.

     I have selected and edited journal entries and poems and sometimes changed the order in which they were written.  I also edited and merged some journal entries, but only to allow for greater flow and clarity.  However, I made sure not to change the perspective from then to now, as that would create a totally different story.  Instead, I have added several narratives that frame the collection and also introduce each one of the five sections.  They provide a rich and informative context for the poetry and memoir and ground them in the here-and-now.

     There are few journeys so profound in life as dealing with loss.  I present this journey in its fullest directness and intimacy.  Loss of any kind, along with its inherent questions and paradoxes, confronts us relentlessly day and night.  Invisible Connections: Living the Paradoxes of Loss chronicles my search for meaning during the first four years after my husband's death. 

      Part I of Invisible Connections deals with the emotions and questions that surfaced for me in the initial nine months, during which I felt completely devoured by the notion of the abyss. The second part portrays the ensuing 36 months, during which new awareness arises and I awaken to the concept of living the paradoxes of loss.  While the abyss that comes with being immersed in grief and mourning remained a constant, my understanding and connection to it continued to change.  That change is reflected in Invisible Connections.

"Your personal story gives insight into the deep well of emotion and grief that is so dark and personal we rarely talk about it.  By revealing yourself, this book is a gift of hope to those who are stranded in the darkness.  I feel it will also serve as a beacon of light to help others find their way back to solid ground and offer a sense of knowing that they can, and will, survive." – Liz Gunn

IS THIS BOOK FOR YOU?

"I trust each individual who reads this beautiful, soul-stirring book will be blessed by the reflection of one traveler to another as they continue or perhaps embark upon their own personal journey of healing and hope in the cycle of life, death, and rebirth." – Jan Howard

     My hope and wish is that my collection can fill a gap for you who may find yourself thrown into a situation where you need to hear the echo of what resounds inside of you, of what you would like to scream out.  You might be looking for validation of how you feel from somebody else who understands and gives expression to the jungle of emotions that are bottled up inside.  Perhaps it is a friend, and not you, who is undergoing the experience.  This book might become your way of finding resonance so that you can offer assistance by being with your friend in a new way. 

     Other reasons may exist for you to be captured by this particular presentation.  Maybe you are someone who is contemplating what loss might mean for you.  You might be asking how you would or could handle such an event, since at some point in life we all face death-our own or somebody else's.  Reading other people's stories sometimes provides a road map for us, even in the most general sense.  Each journey will look different; no intersections or detours repeat themselves; time lines do not exist.  Still, the experiences of loss, grief, trauma and the road to recovery share common themes that transcend individuality, age, language, culture, and beliefs.

"Without lectures or instructions, Martina educates the reader as to how to be present for others through dark times and gifts those who are there now with acceptance." – Karla Giminez